So why haven't I been here for seven years? Reader's Digest version:
School.
Work.
School.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Stupidity.
Not necessarily in that order.
The good news in all of this is that I did get my degree. Summa cum laude, no less. But maybe it would have been better to strive for a C and spend more time with family rather than having a piece of rope to hang around my neck at graduation. Eh, who am I kidding...I'm too much of a perfectionist (insert OCD) to let that happen. Same with work I guess...always have to give 200 percent. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I didn't give that same amount of effort. I neglected the woman I love, lifetime friendships, and my own identity.
Why? I don't really know the answer. All I can come up with is: Take advantage of those who love you so you can prove something to those who don't. I guess that's just longhand for stupidity.
So to quote the Indigo Girls, I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper And I was free. Well, I was free of school anyway. No more working full time and studying full time and getting four hours of sleep at night at most. Ahhhh what a relief.
Ha! I went from the frying pan into the fire...Took a job (a "promotion") that I thought was a good idea. It wasn't. 12-14 hour days, sometimes more. Living out of a suitcase. More stress than I've ever dealt with. There I went again, Miss OCD, trying to prove something, trying to be perfect, not wanting to let anyone down. And once again, neglecting the woman I love, lifetime friendships, and my own identity.
Stupid.
It took quite a bit of gentle prodding from my gal and another big loss in my life to finally wake up. Seven years. Call me Rip Van Winkle I guess. But I've got another chance to get it right now. I've changed jobs. I'm home 95% of the time. Treated like a professional. No stress. No shit. I'm spending quality time with my gal, trying to make up/catch up if I can. I'm hanging with friends. I'm writing. And I plan on being OCD about it.
